They’re finally asleep…

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…and now I can see how amazing this day was.

I thought it was a bad day. In some respects, it was. My temper was short. My mind was occupied, attention elsewhere. I didn’t get a shower or do much of any self-care today. I was primarily concerned with my goals, most of which I didn’t even accomplish.

However, two things became glaringly obvious to me, after all was said & done.

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Facebook Break

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For anyone who follows my page on Facebook, this is just to acknowledge that I unpublished the page this past Friday. I haven’t decided whether this is temporary or permanent.

I began feeling too exposed & vulnerable. The goal of this blog & my page is to allow me to share my thoughts, values, & opinions about my parenting journey with other like-minded individuals.

It’s important to me that I maintain some element of anonymity, as I share things about my family & myself. The Facebook page was shared too often with people I know who could both identify me & be offended by or become defensive about my thoughts.

I’m ok with alienating strangers, for the most part. I’m not ok with alienating people I deal with in my day-to-day life.

I’m not deleting my blog. I love my blog. If someone wants to know my thoughts enough to seek out my blog & then be offended, then ok.

Facebook’s policies for how they recommend pages, etc just put me too much out in the open to feel comfortable any longer.

So I don’t know if this makes a lot of sense to random people who read my blog, but in case anyone who follows me on Facebook comes here wondering, this is my statement. :-)

My Pinterest page is still active, so feel free to follow me there for memes & articles that relate to my journey. Leave me comments here & there. I’ve so enjoyed getting to know a number of awesome mamas over the past several months. I’d love to continue.

I’ve recently finished a few posts, so I’ll be at least adding some new stuff over the next month or two. I’ll keep working here, because I enjoy it.

Maybe someday I’ll return to Facebook or another site like it. For now, though, I’m pulling back & keeping myself a little less exposed.

Thank you for all the support I’ve received.

Only love. Always.

What About Sex?

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I’m excited to share this essay from my good friend & fellow-gentle parent, Alanna. She is someone for whom I have deep respect & love. Having known each other for the last 5 years or so, we’ve seen each other through a lot of things, both joyful & sorrow-filled. She is also a book author, a teacher, & an associate pastor. And she wants you to have more sex! ;-)

Please enjoy, & leave comments & questions for Alanna below. If you want to see more posts from her, be sure to mention it! Maybe she will consider writing for us again.

Alyssa

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Why I Nurse in Church (Without a Cover)

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I’ve been working on this essay, off & on, for several weeks. I’m pretty proud of it, although I’m still tweaking it. I think that, despite needing further detail edits, my voice is pretty strong here. I’m satisfied enough to post it.

I realize that someone my read this who could choose to be offended by it, either the subject or my attitude regarding it. However, I feel strongly that breastfeeding in church is a pertinent issue affecting moms today, and that it is relevant to my personal life, to the breastfeeding world at large, and to the strangely oversensitive Christian church & culture, in general. I won’t apologize for these personal beliefs.

So if breastfeeding offends you and you have nothing nice to say about it, please disregard this post and seek your mental nourishment elsewhere.

I’m sad that I even have to say that. :-(

For those who will, enjoy my recent essay. :-)

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I’ve Not Made Time

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So I’ve not been active with blog posts in quite a while. Life keeps me busy as I’m learning new skills, raising my children, and doing some hard self- & life-evaluation. I still occasionally post stuff on the Facebook page, and I’ve been surprisingly active on Pinterest the last several days, but the time to write anything has not been made.

Writing is one form of catharsis for me, but it’s not something I’ve been allowing myself. I never seem to find myself alone with my computer. I’m too busy. By the time I’m alone and not busy, I’m too tired.

(I’ve been regularly falling sleep before 11, & often much earlier, for the past several weeks, which is so not my usual sleep pattern.)

I think the real reason I’ve not made the time, though, is fear. I’m not sure I can explain it, but I think I’ve been afraid to write because I’ve been avoiding going too deep into myself lately. It seems like everything in there is dark & messy & could so easily drag me down. Most days I feel like I’m barely hanging onto my own shadow.

Also I fear putting myself “out there,” where all the cyber psychos and clever critics can assess my words & what they mean, draw conclusions about my intelligence or sanity levels, judge my mad writing skills, or ultimately see my lack of confidence & vast array of illogical fears. And then I fear being true to myself.

But maybe it’s time, yes?

Time to just write because I like to write. Time to write about anything that catches my attention. Time to write my thoughts & stop worrying about all the people who will definitely not agree with me. Time to write because it’s cathartic.

I know I don’t have a great following or fans or whatever blog junkies are called (b/c I’m not one, which makes me wonder why the hell I started a blog), and I know that I don’t write anything too hard hitting or powerful here, but I’m going to try to publish at least one new post a week. I’m doing this for me in my attempt to remain true to the person I’m learning I am.

Chances are, I’ll miss weeks, maybe more. But the evaluation process I mentioned earlier is making me more and more aware of the person I am and the person I want to be. And the person I want to be also happens to be a writer. So I’m gonna write.

Gonna write crap. Gonna write sap. Gonna write gems. Gonna write stories and thoughts and dreams and fears and all about me and my life  with my beautiful children and my husband and my marriage boulders and my life boulders and my slightly neurotic dog.

I want to write. So every week, I promise myself that I will write and publish a post, and I’ll just see where it takes me.

Until next week…

My Nap Time List

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I’m ashamed that I’m able to say I’m a smoker, but it’s true. And I absolutely hate that I am one. However, I’m proud to say that I’m quitting them for good!

And to celebrate this turning point in my life, I’ve written a list of all the things I can do during nap time instead of smoking while reading my latest book. (If you’re not a smoker, just dial back your opinions on what I could’ve already been doing during nap time.) Read the rest of this entry

Sometimes, a kind smile is all we need…& wet wipes.

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Thank you, to the kind, older woman who took pity on the frantic, overwhelmed, not-entirely-sane mommy kneeling on the floor in a Target bathroom in front of her poop-covered preschooler while wearing her other baby yesterday afternoon.

You heard the panic in my voice, you knew how close I was to losing all my common sense, & then you realized how you could help me. You provided me with four wet wipes from your purse to clean the poop off of my potty-learning preschooler who had an accident during our shopping trip.

I don’t know how I appeared to you in that moment, but I know that, to me, you appeared to be an angel. My thank you was the most sincere, heart-felt, relieved group of words I’d spoken all day. You absolutely saved me in that moment, & you saved my poor daughter, too.

You heard the crushing tones I used while speaking to & around my little girl. You knew I was speaking from a place of fear & humiliation, not of love & understanding. And you helped me.

I wish I knew who you were, so I could thank you properly. But since I don’t, I will simply remember, forever, the simple kindness you showed me & the much-needed aid you provided. (I also will not forget to keep wet wipes in my purse again.)

Thank you, from the depths of my heart, for taking a moment to bring me back to my senses & providing me a moment to ground myself & regroup. And thanks for helping me to remember that my daughter deserves more than a frantic, frustrated mother who cannot control her own tongue in an overwhelming moment. I apologized profusely to her & listened to her tell me how upset it made her. I am shamed by my initial reaction, & I thank God that you were there.

What may seem like the simplest, easiest gesture to you was, in fact, an eye-opening moment for me that I won’t forget.

Thank you.

We all need help at some time or other. Have you ever had a complete stranger help you in a moment of weakness or need? Do you remember a time when you assisted someone unexpectedly? I’d love to hear about it! The kindness of strangers is a beautiful reminder of how much good there still is in humankind.